Guardiola Nearly Finished Shredding Documents at The Etihad

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According to our friends at Soccer on Saturday 

Pep Guardiola is reportedly almost finished shredding thousands of incriminating documents at The Etihad. Manchester City have been charged with more than 100 counts of financial rule breaches.



“The shredding is almost finished,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “I will spread the bits across several wheelie bins, and maybe squat over some of the bins and shit into them. We must discourage the Premier League from piecing the documents back together again, no?”

“Does anybody know what ‘The Cloud’ is?” said the 52 year-old. “My lawyer says there might also be some documents stored there. Is this ‘Cloud’ something I can shred? And related to the last question, is the ‘Cloud’ something I can squat over and shit onto, after it is shredded?”

“Oh, here’s this Klopp cunt WhatsApp’ing me,” he added. “Smiley face. Unbelievable.”

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