Roy Keane Joins Cast Of Strictly Come Dancing

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Roy Keane has raised eyebrows by joining the cast of Strictly Come Dancing. The Republic of Ireland assistant manager replaces Will Young, after the pop star withdrew from the competition through injury.

Keane insists that he won’t be just making up the numbers.


Keane Posing

“The BBC facilities are a disgrace,” added Keane. “The floor of the studio is like concrete, and the chest oil feel feels like it’s come out of a Combine Harvester. Nearly tore the nipples out of myself. We’re not talking about a pissed-up jitterbug with the wife down the Dog & Duck here — Strictly is the Champions League of Ballroom Dancing. The BBC would want to buck up their ideas.”



“Roy’s intense,” she told Soccer on Sunday. “My mobile phone rang during practice, and he threw my whole handbag out the window. It was terrifying. The veins were bulging in his temples, and he said next time it won’t be the bag going out the window. I asked if he’d just threatened to kill me, but he just muttered something about failing to prepare, preparing to fail.”

“I’m exhausted,” added Smith. “We spent 17 hours yesterday practicing the lift from Dirty Dancing. I tried and tried, but I just can’t lift him. When I suggested he could lift me, Roy accused me of being a right little Djemba Djemba and flushed my lunch down the toilet.”


Former manager Alex Ferguson has backed Keane to win the competition.

Twinkle Toes, we called Roy,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “Himself and Peter Schmeichel didn’t see eye to eye, but they’d do a fantastic Tango in the dressing room for the lads every Christmas. Passionate, but tender. Cheek to cheek, a rose in each other’s mouths — those are the moments you live for in football.”


This article was originally featured on Soccer on Sunday. Follow us on Facebook and stay tuned to BenchWarmers for more…(This Article is completely fictional and isn’t intended to offended anyone, but to to raise a smile.)