After missing out on the signing of Pedro, Ed Woodward has come out and said “There’s is no need to worry because we have our eyes on something bigger” and he wasn’t lying.
Standing at 5ft 8inches and at a grand age of 74, Edson Arantes do Nascimento better known as Pelé has come out of retirement and is expected to join Manchester United on a four year contract for around 250 million pounds, earning him just under a million a week.
After failing to sign Cristiano Ronaldo, Bale, Gundogan, Lewandowski, Ibrahimovic, Neymar and some guy called Dave from a local Manchester pub team, Ed Woodward has finally managed to pull a transfer out of the bag.
“The guy is a legend. He has three World Cup winning medals and over 1,000 goals for Santos, he’s exactly what we’re looking for” said Mr.Woodward.
The Brazilian was spotted in training this morning offering Louis Van Gaal managerial advice, despite never managing himself.
“He was quick to comment on my philosophy so I said to him HEY! I AM THE MANAGER, but if you score me goals you can say whatever you like” said Louis Van Gaal shortly after meeting his pensioner striker.
With the lack of goals coming from Wayne Rooney this season The Red Devils have gained a huge boost from the signing of the 74 year old.
Michael Carrick was very impressed by the Brazilian after a warm up race in training “He’s been great so far, he’s surprisingly fast for his age, we had a race at training today, he came 2nd to last but he still thrashed Rooney which is great for the pace up front.”
United are now reportedly interested in Maradona, Franz Beckenbauer and several other retired legends due to their current unpopularity amongst modern players.
Pelé has passed his medical and is due to start in place of Wayne Rooney against Club Brugge in their second leg Champions League qualifier tonight.
(This article is entirely fictional and was written for entertainment purposes only.)