According to our friends at Soccer On Sunday;
Steven Gerrard has been appointed manager of Everton Football Club on a 3 year deal following the sacking of Frank Lampard. The 42 year-old is a shock choice, given his iconic history with local rivals Liverpool.
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Opportunity
“The stench of Everton,” said Gerrard. “It gets into your pores. Everything smells like Tony Hibbert. I walked through the door this evening and the missus shouted, ‘Don’t you walk in here smelling of Tony Hibbert.’ I had to eat my dinner in the shed.”
“It’s win-win,” he added. “Gain valuable experience, and get the blue scum relegated. If we win a game I’ll be disappointed, so I’ll probably not tinker with much of what Frank put in place. Just a few tweaks here and there to make the team even shitter.”
Deal
“The red shitebag kindly came to my house yesterday afternoon,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “We talked for a while about football, I outlined my feeling that he is scum, he said that he feels the same about me, we bareknuckle-boxed for several minutes and then shook hands on a deal. All very simple.”
“I’ve scrubbed and scrubbed my hands,” added Kenwright. “But the bang of Phil Coutinho off them is sickening. I came to bed last night and the missus shouted, ‘Don’t you be coming near this bed with those filthy Phil Coutinho paws’. I had to sleep on the couch.”