Diego Maradona has openly admitted that should he become the next FIFA president he will make cocaine legal.
Diego Maradona has publicly stated that if he becomes the next FIFA president his first order of business will be to make cocaine legal within football.
In an interview for a local radio station Maradona said “If I become the president the first thing I’m going to do is make snow sugar legal within the game. Football’s has gotten boring. If all the fans and players were up to their eyes in nose candy it would fix all of football’s problems.”
“There will be no more diving because players will be less likely to dive and more likely to bite someone’s nose off, there’ll be no more racism because everyone will be so fucked they won’t be able to tell if you’re white, black or a dog and the games will be so much more entertaining. Imagine 22 men coked up and running around for 90 minutes, it would be amazing, it’d be so amazing we’ll probably have to replace linesmen with DJs and corner flags with 6ft speakers belting out heavy house music.”
“All I’m saying is football is down in the dirt at the moment and I have the magic white dust to pull it out. We could have a launch party where we pump Messi and Ronaldo full of charlie and have them play a one on one match, first to 1,000 goals wins. How fucking cool would that be?”
Maradona later went on to say that his personal drug dealer has enough cocaine to see world football through to the next World Cup and he will consider renaming the ‘Ballon D’Or’ the ‘Dust Dome’.