10 Things That Only A Sunday League Footballer Will Understand

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1. Not having matching kit

Kit is always an issue for Sunday League teams due to some players consistently going home in the socks and shorts after a game claiming “to wash them at home” and bring them back, which they never do.

As a result this leaves many teams playing in irregular kits with a whole variety of shades, brands, sizes and colours of socks and shorts being worn.

Best thing to do is bring your own gear and if you don’t, try not to be last to grab gear from the bag or you’ll end up getting that pair of shorts from the 2001 U14 kit and that one tiny blue sock that everyone hates.

2. Stripping down to your underpants in a car park

We’ve all had that day on a Winter morning when you have to freeze your bollocks off because the opposition team doesn’t have dressing rooms and you have to change out of the boot of your car or if you’re lucky in the back of a teammates van.

3. Sunday league slang

Sunday League slang is very important these days and without it players would be absolutely lost. These phrases are the cornerstone to all on-pitch communication, without which would result in absolute pandemonium…”TIME!”

“Forget the first half – it’s 0-0 again” (despite your team trailing 9-1), “Calm down, we’ve all got to go to work in the morning” and “Take plenty of shots today because that’s not their regular keeper.”

4. Tackles

In Sunday League we’ve all experienced or dished out a tackle that would easily be that talking point on Match of the Day.

What would possibly result in a lengthy ban in professional football is simply resolved in Sunday League with a pat on the back and “I went for the ball.”

5. Sunday League Goalkeepers

More often than not Sunday League teams have a second choice centre-half on goal than someone who actually trained to be a keeper.

If you are lucky enough to have a goalie, then he probably spends the match abusing and criticising every player on the pitch until he f**ks up himself, in which case he’ll probably start crying if you say “boo.”

6. Dirty/smelly kit

No explanation needed. It’s a smell you must experience to understand.

7. The linesman

Every Sunday League player has come across a linesman who is a member of the opposition team and a “Lying, cheating bastard.”

This usually ends with some pushing and shoving and phrases like, “The whole ball didn’t cross the line” and “there’s two teams here” getting thrown about.

While we’re on the topic of officials, in Sunday League you will all be familiar with that bastard who “screwed you” the last time he refereed one of your games so you’re to “keep your mouth shut” and “not give him an excuse.” He’ll barely leave the halfway line anyway.

8. Smoking

Smoking a fag at half-time is just as vital as drinking water in Sunday League.

Some players will simply crack under the pressure of a high intensity Sunday League clash without the calming embrace of a ciggie at half-time.

9. Putting up nets

We’ve all had to assemble a goal and put up nets that cut through your skin on a freezing day and then tape up the holes so the ref doesn’t call off the game.

Taking them down is another story though. You damn well know that if you helped put up the goals you will certainly not be helping to take them back down. F**k that!

10. Corner Flags

We’ve all played in a game where the corner flags were made out of tea towels and javelins because the original ones were either stolen, broken or thrown away or in some extreme cases, sweeping brushes.

Only a Sunday League player will truly understand the challenges of playing football in a dirty jersey you put on in a rainy car park with odd socks and their centre-half on goal while they avoid leg breaking tackles before they get robbed by a cheating linesman just before their half-time fag.

Just to add to the already desperate list who can forget having to line and unlined pitch, picking up rubbish and that tight c**t who never bring his €5 to training to matches and owes the club around €2,000.

God bless Sunday League.

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