There’s only 100 days left until the opening game of the 2015 Rugby World Cup and wannabe rugby wankers have flooded into sports shops to get their hands on rugby merchandise.
The top two items being sold are short-sleeve national team jerseys and white long-sleeve thermal tops with baggy tracksuits bottoms coming in third.
Local sports shop owner Mary Toner said “We’ve noticed a surge of skinny men coming in and buying rugby gear. They tend to spend several minutes flexing in front of the mirror, spinning a rugby ball in the air and trying to hold it with one hand.”
Toner went on to confirm that over 60% of the jerseys sold were all size small. “We just can’t keep up with the demand for smaller sizes. I’m not sure if the feeling of being poured into a jersey is comfortable or it makes them feel bigger or something but I think it’s just ridiculous.”
In a bizarre twist several people have been spotted cutting up the ends of brand new tracksuit bottoms to make them look worn, which apparently is a trademark look for regular rugby followers.
Sarah Burke was a witness to the event and said, “I was walking through town and I saw some skinny fella pulling out scissors and a new pair of tracksuit pants and he just started cutting up the ends of them. I was like what’s he doing? There’s no way they were too tight because the poor fella could have used one leg as sleeping bag the poor bastard”
Sales will continue to rise in the run up to the World Cup while local Chemists are expecting a spike in the demand for bandages and tape.