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RTE soccer pundit, Kenny Cunningham, has today told FMFN that he is to undergo surgery, following years of harrowing abuse online. 

Kenny Cunningham's eyebrows
Kenny Cunningham’s eyebrows – courtesy of

Central defenders are generally known as tough, no nonsense, men’s men, but social media can break even the most cast-iron heart and so this proves to be the case again.

The ex Rep. of Ireland defender said that years of abuse on twitter and facebook has left him no choice but to have his eyebrows surgically reduced. RTE are expected to foot the bill for the surgery after, The Broadcasting Authority of Ireland received over 8 million complaints (almost twice the population of Ireland) about the size and unpredictable nature of Cunningham’s eyebrows. Public outrage has reached such a height, that RTE are now forced to pixelate Cunningham’s eyebrows before the watershed (9pm) and have a “viewer discretion is advised” warning before each broadcast featuring him as a panelist.

Kenny Cunningham's eyebrows not quite up to the Rocks yet..
Kenny Cunningham’s eyebrows not quite up to the Rock’s yet..

On potential replacement eyebrows, Cunningham seemed confident he was making the right choice: “I often get mistaken for The Rock due to our similar build and tribal tattoos and I must say I’ve always admired his eyebrows, one in particular.” Cunningham also confirmed that he has asked RTE to play his own personalised entrance music whenever he appears as a panelist. “Raising one eyebrow on its own has always been an issue, but hopefully Dr. Greene’s procedure will fix me.” Dr. Emmett (with two ‘t’s) Greene says that Cunningham is in desperate need of surgery: “I’ve never seen anyone so hideous in all my life and I live in Limerick.”

Kenny Cunningham’s eyebrows were unavailable for comment.

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Posted by FM Football News on Saturday, 25 July 2015